ZInger Spree: Entertainment

Come and have a laugh with me !

Fri, 15 Feb 2008 20:39:03 GMT

"When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bicycle.
Then I realized that the Lord, in his wisdom, didn't work that
way. So I stole one, and asked him to forgive me."

-------------------------

Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy
bar after another. After the 6th bar ,a man on the bench across from him said,

"Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will
give you acne, rot your teeth, make you fat."

Little Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"

Little Johnny answered, "No, he minded his own fucking business!"

--------------------------------

A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retired to their
separate beds. However the man was not yet ready to slumber. He called over to his wife,
"My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely."

So the woman gets out of bed and crosses the room to the husband. On the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face. The
husband with a concerned look on his face says,

"Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey-wosey?Come here and let me kiss it better"
The woman gets up and enters the man's bed. The two have passionate sex and afterwards the woman rolls out. As she is

returning to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on her face.
The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says, "Clumsy bitch."

--------------------------------------

Howard was feeling guilty all day long. No matter how much he
tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

Every once in a while he'd hear a soothing voice trying to
reassure him - "Howard, don't worry about it. You aren't the
first doctor to sleep with one of his patients and you won't be the last."

But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality -
"Howard, you're a veterinarian."

Funny Stuff!

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 11:56:44 GMT

Its been ages i have been to a concert , ya real concert . Im not talking of that live music and gigs . lolz

Putting down some jokes...

here we go ;)

Rob kissed his wife, crawled into bed and fell asleep. All of a
sudden, he woke up to find an elderly man dressed in a white robe
standing at the foot of his bed.

"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?... and who are you?"
he asked.

"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and
you are in heaven."

"WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too
young," said Rob. "I want you to send me back immediately."

"It's not that easy", said St.Peter. "You can only return as a
dog or a hen. The choice is yours."

Rob thought about it for a while, and figured that being a dog is
too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life.

"I want to return as a hen."

And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, really
nicely feathered. But now he felt like his rear end was gonna
blow. Then along came another hen.

"Hey, you must be the new hen St. Peter told me about," she said.
"How do you like being a hen?"

"Well, OK I guess, but it feels like my ass is about to explode."

"Oh that!" said the other hen. "That's only the ovulation going
on. You need to lay an egg."

"How do I do that?" Rob asked.

"Cluck twice, and then push all you can."

Rob clucked twice and pushed more than he was good for, and then
'plop' an egg was on the ground.

"Wow" Rob said, "That felt really good!"

So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that
there was another egg on the ground.

The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout:

"Rob, for Christ's sake! Wake up! You're shittin' all over the
bed!"

It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the
children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.

One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as
she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said,

"That's a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"

The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on
microphone,

"Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."

Three Evangelical priests go to Africa to do missionary work.
They are captured by an African tribe and accused of insulting
and offending the religion of the tribe.

The king of the tribe says,

"Even if you have committed a crime, you are priests. Therefore I
will offer you a choice in punishment. ooga booga or death?"

The first priest thinks, "I don't know what ooga booga is, but
anything is better than death." So he says,

"I choose ooga booga."

The King yells out, "OOGA BOOGA!"

Ten tribesmen rip off their loin cloths and screw the priest in
the ass one after another.

The second priest sees all this and thinks to himself, "This is
really bad, however, it's still better than the death". So he
chooses ooga booga.

The King yells out, "OOGA BOOGA".

Ten more tribesmen rip off their loin cloths and screw the second
priest in the ass one after another.

The third priest thinks to himself, "I will not let that happen
to me, I prefer death to such degradation."

He says to the King, "I choose death!"

"Very well," says the King, "DEATH!!!.... by OOGA BOOGA!!!"

Oprah Winfrey goes to Dr. Phil and confides in him:

"I just can't seem to keep my weight down," she sobs. "I've
tried Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Slim Fast, Hollywood, Atkins,
and a thousand other diets and none of them have lasting
results. I've even tried hypnotherapy, acupuncture, & coffee
enemas and still no success. Can you help me?"

Dr. Phil says: "I think I can help you, but first there's
something I need to check out. Take off all of your clothes and
get down on your hands and knees."

Having tried all other remedies and not wanting to show her lack
of faith in the Doc, she obeys, strips down to her B'day suit and
plops down on the floor.

"Now crawl over by the fireplace and hold that position for 5
minutes." says the Doc.

He stares at her from many different angles and then finally
says, "Okay, Get Dressed and come back tomorrow."

The next day, Oprah comes back and Dr Phil gives her the same
instructions, but this time he has her crawl over by the
Christmas tree and hold the position for 5 minutes.

"Again he walks around the room looking at her from all angles
and rubbing his chin in deep thought. After 5 minutes he has her
get dressed and tells her to come back the following day.

This goes on for three more days and Oprah has stripped and
crawled by the French doors, the throw rug, the desk and she's
getting pretty steamed about now. She finally gets dressed and
says:

"Look Doc, I've tried lots of crazy stuff in my life to lose
weight, but how is crawling around naked on your floor going to
help me lose weight"?

Dr. Phil rubs his chin and says: "Oh it won't, but I'm buying an
overstuffed black leather sofa for my office and I wanted to see
where it would look best."

"Mommy, you're getting fat!"
"Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy"
"I know, but what's growing in your butt?"

Extemporaneous Text !

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 19:53:02 GMT

Might is right. Alright. Freedom of expression is one of the basic rights of humans. Expressing oneself is very important. Just like myself , if I won’t express myself , I’ll die. So basically I am avoiding suicide by writing stuff on my blog. Actually, I have no clue what to write about , im just writing for the heck of it. We often hear phrases like…”what the heck are you doing? “ or “ heck ! what are you doing? “ . I don’t know what form is correct in English grammar. Well, doesn’t matter , adding “heck” to sentence articulately gives message to the receiver…for sure. Who the heck are you? Want more impact, honey?…replace it with the word “fuck”. Alright, I apologize that’s rude from ethical point of view as well as from English grammar. English ! What people….I can’t understand them. Englishmen have a glorious past .It goes like this….first they invade countries, rob them off national wealth ,mess with their culture, education system at the same time provide them technology and manage to leave a good repute behind. Oh yeah..and then they leave those countries in go back to England. Then they start worrying about heaps of immigrants coming to England in search of work ,mostly from those countries they invaded some time ago.. haha marvellous. What goes around comes around.

Immigrants make diversity in a place. I wonder why there aren’t many immigrants in Pakistan.Ok, I understand, our country is not for immigrants…..it is here for producing immigrants. Oh yes,We a kind of immigrants here too. We have Afghan refugee though. As Afghanistan is becoming stable by the help of U.S and her allies….Afghan refugees are leaving Pakistan now… Did I say , they are forced to leave? No ,No

Allies , won the world war 2 , against axis of evil. “Ok Condi , alright ,Powell” ,Mr bush said…6 years ago “we should play the same game again. Allies vs. Axis of Evil.”

Oh no..i feel sorry for you , dammit…you failed miserably. First ,you didn’t win that war of “such a good cause”. Second….you lost your allies. Even Britian , your pet bulldog for ages… distanced its foreign policy from you. Learn from history you idiot. Heck No..

We can’t learn from history.Its a mystery itself. Talking about mystery reminded me of cheesy Madonna’s song….Life is a mystery.

Offcourse it is a mystery.When you somehow reach the stage of finally unlocking that mystery…then u see…Oh shoot….. death awaits you….tut tut tut… so unfair.

So ,lets not solve this mystety ….pretty simple…isn’t it.

Simple, dimple . I love dimples ,specially on womens’ face. Indeed.

Women make this world go round? No? ok there are a bunch of guys who disagree. They are probably not interested in women.

World has lost its glory. Climate change, environment crisis, global warming ,pollution ,warfare ….aaaaahhh…what happened to my world? Global warming is not a joke…its really happening. We are leaving behind us a world full of chaos for our coming generations. A world of disease, floods, hurricanes and disasters. God forbid. We won’t be here but our kids, grand kids will be suffering from this. As Stephen Hawking said recently, space travel is indispensable for human race to survive, as world will be too messed up to live in future. Hmmm….Man on the moon. Wow…”man on the moon”…..what a song by REM an American band of 80’s. Just want to share a news…an amazing discovery. Scientists have discovered a new planet near a star 55 Cancri. It is 41 light years from earth. That star is like sun and newly found planet is exactly at the same position on its solar system; as Earth is in our solar system. And guess what, with the current technology we have ,we can see that its structure is quite like Earth and it may contain water too. Water is a sign of what? Yes sign of life? Oh My God….How huge universe is…..how small are we. Lots more inventions to come, loads of discoversies yet to arrive. I wish I could live 1000 years to watch wats happening here and there. Yes….live 1000 years and do nothing…just watch. I know, I hate work.

Despite all the wrong-doings of ‘we-the-humans’…; such discoveries make me feel proud of the fact ,that I am a homo ….Homo-Sapien or human being I mean.….and a big fat …”fuck you” to all those who took it as homosexual. Ok im proud and I’m thankful for being a healthy human being. According to an ancient mythology , I could have been incarnated as a bed bug or a house fly or a even a mouse or or or ……just a lazy dog.

Let’s celebrate being a human…

Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !